每当在灾难降临之后，我们总是虔诚地祈祷会有更多的幸存者，能够把伤害降到最低，同时给予人们生的希望。
Every time a disaster strikes, we always pray sincerely that there will be more survivors, so that the damage can be minimized to the lowest and give people hope in life.
在与某位朋友攀谈的过程中，聊到了“幸存者”这个话题。聊着聊着没想到与我交谈的这位姐姐就是一位幸存者。征得了当事人的同意，我把她的故事分享给大家。我问她为什么会想把自己这么隐秘的故事说给我听呢？她说可能因为你也是位幸存者吧。嗯，我是老天眷顾的小小幸运儿。
In the course of chatting with a friend, the topic of “survivor” came up. While we were chatting, I did not expect that this elder sister** I was talking to was also in fact, a survivor. With her consent, I will share her story with everyone. I asked her why she wanted to tell me such a personal story about herself? She said maybe because you are a survivor too. Yes, I’m a blessed little lucky guy. ( ** I will hence refer as sis in the translation )
这位姐姐是一个身材很娇小的上海女生，没想到身体小小的她却有一个这么大大的故事！根据姐姐回忆，在她十岁左右的某一天，天气不错，她正在家里看着电视。十点多的时候去上了一趟厕所，刚出厕所门就发现家里的门被一脚踹开，两个男人立刻冲了进来，他们看见有孩子在家很惊讶，因为可能已经在门口试探性的敲过门无人回应。姐姐呢一下子就愣住了，因为在厕所压根儿没听见敲门声，怎么就突然闯进来两个穿着蓝色制服的男人？！
Sis is a very petite Shanghai girl, who can expect her tiny figure to have such a huge story! According to her memory, when she was about ten years old, there was a day when the weather was fine and she was watching TV at home. She went to the toilet at about ten o’clock, just as she emerged from the toilet she discovered that the door of her home had been kicked open and two men had rushed in. They were very surprised to see that there was a child at home, because they might have tried to get a response earlier outside and had gotten no reply. Sis found herself at a loss, because she had not heard any knocking while she was in the toilet, and now two men in blue uniforms suddenly barged in? !
姐姐先开口问：“你们……是谁？”那两个人说“我们是你爸的同事”，姐姐心想我爸怎么会有这样的同事。“我爸不在，你们给我出去！出去！”他们一听大人不在家，一把就把姐姐的脖子掐住，在姐姐失声的同时将她拎起来直接推到厕所一个狭小的空间。高个子的就说“不许说话”，然后掏出了一把四十厘米左右的刀。姐姐看到这把刀觉得是像玩具一样的铁皮刀，也并没有特别害怕。接着高个子的说“我们是特务，现在缺少经费，你们要赞助一下”。接着矮个子的跟高个子的说：“你让她说话”，矮个子说的这句是上海话。当年姐姐家住苏州，他们就以为姐姐听不懂上海话。
So Sis asked first, “Who……are you guys?” The two replied, “We are your father’s colleagues.”
Sis thought to herself how could my dad have such colleagues. “My dad’s not here, you guys leave! Get out!” Once they heard that there was no adults at home, they grabbed sis’s neck, picked her up and pushed her directly into a small space in the toilet while she was choked into silence. The tall man said “Don’t speak“, and then took out a knife of about forty centimeters. When sis saw this knife, she thought it was a toy-like steel knife, and she was not particularly afraid. The tall man then continued, “We are secret agents, we are short of funds now, so you all need to help to sponsor (us).” The short man then said to the tall man: “Let her speak“, the short man said this in the Shanghai dialect. Sis was living in Suzhou at the time, so they assumed she could not understand Shanghainese.
高个子转头又用普通话问姐姐，“你们家值钱的东西在哪？”姐姐回答，“如果有的话就在那个抽屉里。”他们撬开抽屉翻查，里面正好就有三百块钱，这在当时来说三百块已经是很大一笔了。两个匪徒抢到钱财之后明显心情变好，于是命令姐姐不许抬头，不许看他们。随即拿了一条白色的毛巾把姐姐的嘴堵住，把手和脚分别绑上，再把手和脚反过来一起捆上，像个虾米一样。绑完以后就把姐姐丢到了床上，又拿了两床被子给她盖住。这一刻她害怕了——为什么要给我盖两床被子？嘴巴也被堵住了，无法发出声音，手脚也被捆上了没有任何威胁。会不会是怕杀我的时候血溅到他们身上？……满脑瓜子只剩下害怕。
The tall man turned and asked sis in Mandarin, “Where are the valuables in your house?” Sis replied, “If there is any, it’s in that drawer.” They pried open the drawer and there was 300 yuan inside. It was considerably quite a large sum at the time. The two bandits’ mood improved immensely after getting the money, so they ordered sis not to look up or to look at them. They then took a white towel to gag her, bound her hands and feet, after which they tied her hands and feet in together, like a shrimp. After tying her up, they threw sis onto the bed, covered her with two more quilts. At this moment she became afraid – why did they cover me with two quilts? My mouth was gagged, unable to make a sound, my hands and feet were tied and can’t be of any threat. Could it be that they were afraid of blood splattering on them when they killed me? …her mind was filled with fear.
幸运的是两个歹徒很快就离开了她的家，整个抢劫的过程不超过半小时，应该是害怕时间久了家里有人回来。歹徒离开后姐姐冷静下来，设法挣脱了束缚，找到了母亲并报警。警察到了之后封锁现场，进行取证，调查。警察问姐姐这两个人长什么样，什么口音？姐姐说他们一高一矮讲上海话，他们立刻就把去上海所有的高速路都封了，但没能抓住逃犯。一开始警察以为是一起普通的入室抢劫案，好在大队长比较有经验，一看、一问就确定是老手作案，两个劫匪手法很专业。姐姐当日就在邻居家接受询问，问累了就休息一会，喝口水，休息完了接着问。民警还表扬姐姐，“小朋友做得对，不要反抗，很勇敢”之类的，姐姐渐渐平复心情，觉得一切就像电影散场一般过去了。
Fortunately, the two bandits quickly left her home. The entire robbery process did not take more than half an hour, probably out of fear that someone would arrive home if they took too much time. After they had gone, sis calmed down, managed to break free, found her mother and called the police. After the police arrived, they sealed the scene, collected evidence and carried out investigations. The police asked sis what they looked like, what accent did they have? Sis said that one was tall and the other was short, and they spoke Shanghainese, so the police immediately blocked all highways towards Shanghai, but they did not catch the fugitives. In the beginning, the police thought it was an ordinary break-in robbery. Fortunately, the team leader was more experienced, with one look and question, determined that the crime was carried out by ‘old hands’, as the two robbers were very professional. Sis was inquired at the neighbor’s that day. When she became tired, she took a break, a sip of water, and then continued with the inquiry after a rest. The police also praised sis, “The child did the right thing, didn’t resist, you are very brave” and so on. Sis gradually calmed down, and the ordeal felt like a movie screening that had ended.
可没过几天姐姐就被带到了派出所做笔录，这回就不是一个人了，而是一群人围着她询问。后来才知道这是一个连环杀人案。他们是红通文件上的头号通缉犯，一路杀过来，姐姐是唯一的幸存者。
But within a few days, sis was taken to the police station to make a statement. This time, she did not face just one person, but a group of people surrounded her to ask questions. They found out later that this was a spree murders case. Those were the most wanted criminals on the Red notice document, and on their killing spree, sis was the one and only survivor.
听到这里我向姐姐提出过疑问，因为在我们的印象里这种抢劫犯都会把头蒙住，所以他们为什么没有蒙面？姐姐给出的回答是，第一他们预想里面是没有人的，第二碰到有人的都杀了。之前这帮匪徒碰到过老人和孩子都没心慈手软。警察在匪徒落网后，问这两个匪徒为什么唯独留下姐姐这一个活口。他们给出的理由也很简单，所有的人都是因为大声呼喊奋力反抗，他们害怕被暴露才把人都杀了，而这一次一是因为姐姐是小孩没什么威胁，二是她并没有失控大喊，三是还特别的配合告诉了他们钱财在哪里。三个美院的老师根据姐姐的回忆不断描画着杀人犯的长相。因为所有见过这两位歹徒的人都死了，姐姐是唯一亲眼见过歹徒真面目还活着的人，必须要画到姐姐说就是他们为止。长达一个多月的不停询问，一次又一次的按手印，一次又一次的重新作画，这些加深了姐姐幼小心灵的恐惧。原来当时不以为然的铁皮刀居然沾了十几个人的鲜血！姐姐说，闭上眼睛眼前就是那把几乎要了她命的刀！
At this part of the story, I asked sis a question, because in our impression, usually such robbers will cover their faces, so why were they not masked? The answer given by sis was that firstly, they expected that there would be no one inside, and secondly, they killed everyone they encountered. Before this, the gang of bandits had encountered elderly and children, and they had never been merciful. After the robbers were arrested, the police asked them why sis was the only one left alive. The reason they gave was also very simple. The others had shouted for help and put up a fight, so they killed them before they got discovered. But this time, sis was just a child and was of no threat. Secondly, she did not lose control and shout loudly. Thirdly, she was very cooperative and had told them where the money was. Three art experts kept sketching out the features of the killers based on sis’s memory. As every other person who had ever seen these bandits had died, sis is the only one who have seen them and left alive, so they had to keep improving on the likeness until sis can confirm it. After more than a month of non-stop inquiry, fingerprinting again and again, going through the sketching process over and over, these deepened the fear in sis’s young heart. It turned out that the unexceptional steel blade, had actually been stained with the blood of more than a dozen people! Sis said that whenever she closed her eyes, she could see the knife that almost killed her!
一年后，这几个丧心病狂的歹徒落网了。他们“不巧”抢到一家警察家属家中。还是同样的套路，“当当当，老王在吗？”这时候门开了，家属觉着不对劲。“找老王是吧？走我带你去”，就把他们带去了附近的派出所，快到派出所时歹徒见状撒腿就跑，可法网恢恢，跑无可跑。一开始警察以为只是普通的小偷，可一位眼尖的警察认出来其中一位就是画像里的头号通缉犯。得知作案的一共三人，两人上楼作案，一人楼下放风。
A year later, these perverse bandits were arrested. They “unfortunately” robbed the home of a policeman’s family. It was the same routine, “Dang dang dang, is old Wang here?” and the door was opened after, the family felt something was wrong. “Looking for old Wang? Let me take you there.” They led them to a nearby police station. When they neared the police station, the bandits tried to make a run for it, but was caught. Initially the police thought they were just common thieves, but a sharp-eyed policeman recognized one of them as the most wanted criminal from the portrait. It was discovered that there were three people who committed the crimes, two will go upstairs to break-in, and one remained downstairs to keep watch.
在警察对犯人的审讯之后得知，这几个亡命之徒都是抱着能活一天算一天的心态活着。他们为什么会如此的穷凶极恶呢？起先这三人是小偷小摸但被重判，出狱后没有正经工作，于是重操“旧业”。心想反正小偷小摸也被重判了，不如就直接抢劫。就是怀着这种报复社会的心态，一路逃窜作案十几起。就在法院要将犯人判处死刑时，姐姐作为证人要在判决书上再次按上自己的手印。
After the police interrogated the criminals, they learned that these outlaws lived with a day-to-day mentality. Why are they so vicious? At first, the three had been petty thieves but were severely sentenced. After their release from prison, they could not find honest labour, so they resumed their “old business”. They thought since petty theft also has a heavy sentence, they might as well commit robbery directly. With this mentality of taking revenge on society, they went on a spree and committed more than a dozen crimes along the way. As the court was about to sentence the criminals to death, sis, as a witness, had to once again put her own fingerprint on the verdict.
姐姐是一位幸运的女孩，一位躲过死神镰刀的幸运女生。但她也不是那么的幸运，在一次又一次描绘犯人的身高体重长相当中，在一次又一次在笔录上签字按压的过程中，有关恐怖场景的记忆变得越来越牢固，到最后法院的那封文件的手印，在姐姐的心中也留下了难以磨灭的印记。姐姐有时候甚至觉得，是自己害死了这三位歹徒，因为这三个人是因为她描绘出的画像被认定，是她按下的手印为他们判处的死刑。三位歹徒并没有伤害她，但他们却因她而死……
Sis is a lucky girl, a lucky girl who had escaped the scythe of Death. But she was also not so lucky. In the repetitive processes of describing the criminals’ looks, height and weight, the signing and fingerprinting on the statements, and so the memory of the horrifying scene became stronger and stronger. Until the final fingerprint of that court document, had by then left an indelible brand on sis’s heart. Sometimes she even felt that she was responsible for the deaths of these three bandits, because these three people were identified by the portraits she had helped create, and they were sentenced to death with her fingerprints. The three bandits did not hurt her, but they died because of her…
年少的经历使姐姐的心理一直没有走出阴影，在跟我讲述到最后也忍不住流下了泪水。直到现在她一个人睡前一定要把房间所有角落都查一遍，生怕有人躲在角落里，回到家中就必须把门都反锁好，睡觉也会把卧室的门反锁。现在她内心强大了些，但还是改不了这些习惯。要知道童年的心理创伤是很难被治愈的，好在在家人的开导与陪伴下，随着心智的成熟，世界观价值观的健全，姐姐才终于渐渐走出了内心的阴影。
This experience in her youth has caused sis’s psyche to stay in the shadows, and she couldn’t help her tears as she told me about it towards the end. Until now, she must check all the corners of the room before going to bed, for fear that someone is hiding in the corner. She has to lock the door when she gets home, and she will also lock the bedroom door when she sleeps. She is more at ease now, but she still can’t change these habits. You must know that childhood psychological trauma is difficult to heal. Fortunately, with the guidance and company of her family, with the maturity of her mind and the soundness of her worldview and values, sis finally managed to slowly get out from the shadows in her heart.
她开始明白，正是她的行为挽救了更多人的性命，阻止了更多悲剧的发生。如果不是在面对歹徒时的勇敢，如果不是她良好的记忆力，这些匪徒还会在这人间为非作歹。姐姐用她的善良帮助了他人，却把一部分的恶扎进了自己的心里。姐姐心理的创伤好了吗？我觉得好多了，但还没有完全好。她还是害怕说起这个故事，排斥那个按下手印的自己。
She began to understand, that it was precisely her actions that had saved more lives, and prevented more tragedies. If it had not been for her bravery while facing the bandits, if it had not been for her good memory, these bandits would still remain at large and continue to do evil in this world. Sis helped others with her kindness, but a part of this evil stuck like a thorn into her own heart. Is sis healed from her psychological trauma? I feel that she is now better, but not entirely as yet. She was still afraid when she recounted this story and still can’t accept the self who had pressed the fingerprint.
我也有心理创伤，一直也在寻求自愈。我认为心理的创伤往往来自于人们隐秘的角落，难以面对的过往。我寻求自愈的办法就是大大方方的把这些伤疤揭示给大家。既然问心无愧那又何必害怕呢？所以我就想通过这篇文章帮助姐姐来勇敢面对她的过去。告诉她做得对，她很勇敢，也很善良。我也希望看到这篇文章的人都勇敢起来，勇敢地面对自己的内心，也勇敢地面对世间的丑恶。
I have also been traumatized, and have been seeking self-healing. I think psychological wounds often lie in people’s hidden corners, in the past that is difficult to face. The way I seek to heal myself is to openly reveal these scars to everyone. If I have a clear conscience, why be afraid? So I want to help sis bravely face her past by sharing this essay. To tell her that she did the right thing, that she is brave and very kind. I also hope that people who read this essay will be brave, courageously face their own inner hearts, and also bravely face the ugliness and evils of the world.
这个故事也让我想起了我小时候的一个遭遇。那年我十来岁，晚自习下课骑着自行车回家。到家楼下发现家里餐厅的灯是亮着的，有些奇怪，按道理这个时间点家里应该是没人的，难道是父母谁先回家了？于是我把自行车停进我家地下室，就连跑带跳的上了三楼。
This story also reminds me of an encounter I had as a child. I was about ten years old that year, my evening self-study class had ended so I rode my bike home. When I got downstairs, I saw that the lights in the dining room were on. It was a little odd, because there should be no one at home at that time. Could it be either parent came home earlier? So I parked my bike in the basement and bounded up to the third floor.
（那时候的家是母亲单位分的房子，总共只有六楼。当时我还好奇问过我妈这个问题，为啥只建六层呢？我妈说超过六楼还是七楼就必须要建电梯。我想也就是那时候把腿部力量锻炼的不错，由于要来来回回骑车爬楼梯。）我一到三楼愣了一下，家里的门是开的，像被轻轻地带上了。我又想可能是家人忘了把门关牢吧，于是随手推开了门。我推开门之后就感觉不对了，只有餐厅的灯是开着的，客厅和卧室的灯都是黑的。我犹豫着往前走，当时我的心里已经很害怕了。我只敢站在有光亮的地方，尽量往黑暗里看，但不敢走进黑暗里。黑暗里的画面渐渐变得清晰一些了，我发现我能看见的柜子全被打开了。衣服、纸张、杂物到处都是。我一下子反应过来，拔腿就往外跑，一口气跑到马路对面的电话亭打电话给我妈。
(At that time, the house was allotted by my mother’s department, and there were only six floors in total. I had been curious and asked my mother this question, why were only six floors built? My mother said that an elevator must be built if they exceed the sixth or seventh floor. I think it was at that time that I strengthened my legs well, because I had to always cycle back and forth and also climb the stairs.) When I reached the third floor, I was slightly stunned, because the door was slightly open. I thought maybe my family forgot to close the door properly, so I pushed it open. After I opened the door, I got a bad feeling, because only the lights in the dining room were on, the lights in the living room and bedroom were all off. I hesitated to move forward, I was filled with fear. I only dared to stand in the light and tried to look into the darkness, as I did not dare to walk into the darkness. As my eyes slowly adjusted to the dark, and things gradually became clearer, I found that the cabinets that I could see had all been opened. Clothing, papers, sundries were strewn everywhere. I reacted quickly, immediately ran straight outside, to the phone booth across the road in one breath and called my mother.
后来才知道是我家被盗了，家里稍微贵重点的物品，如我妈的结婚戒指、外婆给我妈的手镯、一些钱都没了。从那以后的几个月时间里，我根本不敢自己开家门，也不敢一个人在家，甚至经常要求我妈搬家。回头想来我也觉得我挺幸运的，好在这个盗贼已经走了。不然我真不知道会是什么样的结果，或许你们就有可能看不到这篇文章了。
We found out later that my home had been burgled, things that was slightly more valuable in the home, such as my mother’s wedding ring, the bracelet that my grandmother gave to my mum and some money were gone. In the following months, I basically did not dare to enter the home by myself, I did not dare to be home alone, and I had even often asked my mother to move. Looking back, I think I was quite lucky that the burglar had already left. Otherwise, I really don’t know what the result will be, maybe you may not get to see this essay.
通过生活中这些不幸中带着幸运的故事，你可以认识到，不论发生什么事情，都取决于你是什么样的人，怎样面对生活中遭遇的危机。祸兮福之所倚，福兮祸之所伏，塞翁失马焉知非福。没经历过苦难怎么能体会到幸福的可贵呢？不管是发生什么样的事情，在这个世界上有健全的四肢，有一个不算太笨的大脑，有一颗善良的心，我认为你就是幸运儿了。
Through these life stories of misfortune bearing a side of luck, you can realize that no matter what happens, it depends on who you are and how you deal with crisis in your life. **Misfortune may be a blessing in disguise; A loss, no bad thing ( Sai Weng loses his horse, but its not known if its good or bad) How can you experience the preciousness of happiness without experiencing suffering? No matter what happens, if we are in this world with healthy limbs, an average brain, and a kind heart, I think you are a lucky one.
** 《道德经》Tao Te Ching
时刻告诉自己：你就是这个世界上的小小幸运儿！从今往后祝你越来越幸运！
Always tell yourself: you are a little lucky one in this world! I wish you to be even luckier from now on!
最后我想借用电视剧《心居》里冯晓琴的一句话来收尾。努力生活与不择手段的区别在于问心无愧。只要你我问心无愧努力生活，幸运就会常伴于你。
Finally, I would like to borrow a sentence from Feng Xiaoqin from the TV series “Life is a long quiet river ” as a conclusion. The difference between striving to live and using ends to justify the means, is a clear conscience. As long as you and I live with a clear conscience and give it our all, luck will always be with you.
Zhang Zhehan 